Happy New Year and all of that BS.
Sorry it’s been so long since I blogged last, but I do have a full time job and don’t just sit on my arse watching Jeremy Kyle all day (but that is the dream) also with the approach to xmas and the wonderful Harry turning 8 I’ve been busy!
The infamous Harry Kirby turned “big boy 8” on the 22nd December and had pre birthday celebrations in the form of a disco, note to self do not ever have a night out before having 20 kids screaming at a birthday party…the morning prior I spent 30 minutes trying to scrub a cock that was drawn on my back the night before with a headache that didn’t disappear for the duration.
Christmas was the usual, a lot of hype for one day, but great nether the less me and Harry both got spoilt by my amazing fam and his dads fam as per norm. Harrys top gifts were a dart board (shaven tips – safety version, before anyone thinks were mental) customised football boots (but he still spends most time diving on the floor) Liverpools goal keeping kit – which he proceeded to wear for 2 days on the bounce which is bright green for those reading who don’t know, so I pretty much had a 4ft sprout following me around (this is keeping his own dream alive that he can reach stardom, me and his dad have already accepted the fate he wont make us millions and see us to a greater life, maybe this will be child number two – if that ever happens, I still can remember child birth and its not something I’m overly enthused about experiencing again, literally makes my vag wince at the thought).
He accumulated an unnecessary amount of cash inbetween these days and now me and his dad are considering his financial aid as Christmas/ the birthday shafted us, hard.
Sooo the famous New Years resolutions …most of us will set ourselves really low standards and still fail to achieve them for longer than 4 months, max. Going to the gym, eating better, staying away from dickhead ex’s, not being a slag, giving up chocolate, whatever else goes on in joe publics weird little heads to come up with.
I haven’t got one I set myself one every year and give up! So all I have promised to do is leave 2017 drama in 2017 and enter 2018 the exact same me, a knob head, single (after several more dates) about 9lb chunkier, roots the size of an average mans penis and adult acne from eating a selection box for breakfast a little to often this past month.
FYI bringing your left overs into work only stops you eating shit at home, instead you can eat what you would have ate home in shorter amount of time to make yourself feel even sicker, quicker.
To see in the New Year I was with 4 other friends in the house with a nice amount of alcohol while playing board games with the music on. We must be getting to that age now we realise NYE is overrated and have become some what sophisticated, even though this resulted in Carlie covering her parents rugs in numerous varieties of alcohol throughout the night. Perks of this choice in “celebration” was I wasn’t overwhelmed by the amount of knob heads fighting to get a drink from the bar, nor crying when it strikes midnight because you suddenly remember everything “bad” that’s occurred in the year you are saying goodbye too (surely I can’t be the only person that this happens too) Sometimes can be a lot to contend with, then you end up having the awful thought of “I’m such a fuck up, why do I love bad people and do stupid things at my own expense” but these are all good learning lessons, I guess…I hope!
Apart from a few negatives 2017 has been reasonably kind. Highs – I watched my beautiful sister get married, got a new job, laughed and laughed a lot more. Lows – I watched people I loved leave me and watch someone I love tremendously become ill.
I was hoping taking the time away from blogging I’d of had something a little more hilarious to come out with, but I have been too busy to be funny and have been working on getting fat, or maybe I was only ever going to last 3 ropey blogs, I’m sure we will find out my fate this year.
A pearl of wisdom for you all to take into the new year would be, if you cant be kind, don’t be a cunt.
I hope 2018 is everything you wished for but lets face it, its what we will make it.