Dating in 2017 is like a minefield but instead of explosives it’s full of dicks.
I’ve trialled and tested “dating” apps pretty well…from Tinder, POF, Bumble, Badoo. All of which you are judged from a picture and whatever upselling/shite you have put in your bio.
The best attempts of conversation (sarcastic undertone) I tend to see come from POF. For example lets say his name was Dave (as I can’t remember) messaged me saying “Hi I’m Dave, you seem nice, I’m a locksmith” Aye I gave him the time of day, looked on his profile, Dave was about 38 balding, 8stone overweight and being a locksmith seemed to be the only thing he had going for him given the condition of his bio/likes/interests. BUT he did have a really cute dog- upon deliberation this wasn’t enough to get me to message back. I know this seems harsh but in an environment where you are judged on the pictures and information you supply you have to accept what may follow. I handle it well – I just ignore them, I don’t shame no one (well not to them) Dave the locksmith however did supply many LOLs to me and my pal.
I have been shamed on POF, I’m not even sad about it but I can’t understand why would an man in his early thirties go out of his way to tell me “your jeans are really unflattering”? Firstly mate your face is really unflattering but that’s a seperate issue, secondly your lucky the picture has me wearing jeans because they are covering a muffin top that is swelling daily, it’s a belly that carried whats turning out to be a giant for a 7 year old. ‘It’ has generally seen better days with the stretch marks to prove it. So chill out and leave me and my unflattering jeans to it, while you attempt to pull a bird on the Internet 9xs out of your league.
Fucking Tinder where do I start? You match because you both think each other are ‘alright’ to look at and they are within your set distance of wanting to ‘date’ (shag it would appear). But it’s even more distressing when your own judgement leads to finding out in fact they are a massive bellend! Like who can you blame for that? Oh yeah yourself! Confirming what you already knew that your taste in men/women is utter shite. This leads me on to another ‘craze’ which is very popular with male Tinder users, the infamous dick pic…. lads lads lads!! NO girl wants a dick pic, like none of us. Do you know what happens when we get sent one? We show anyone and everyone who may want to see it, usually while laughing in pure shock/disgust. One of the last dudes (who knows might be reading) who sent me such offensive material (them wanking) which I must mention was after I was ignoring his messages (unconventional way to initiate further conversation)…that got shown around on a night out on someone’s leaving do from the office, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news I have no good feedback for you, apart from “it was too aggressive” and “his cock seems to be a funny shape”, blocked, goodbye.
I’m not sure how the transition of sending flowers to sending pictures of dicks happened?
Dating for me is such double standards, I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket, but his better fucking be in one basket and that basket best be mine! None of this texting 6 other birds acting like you are Henry the 8th, it’s not cool, don’t do it. (but don’t worry we will still go out with you when you ask, text you back instantly, probably fall in love with you 🙄)
Dating how many people at one time is too many? Like should you just date one? Two? Five? I feel like I need to be told what is acceptable before it becomes “hoey”?!
There is a reason I don’t put all my eggs in one basket this is because I need to assess the situations occurring. Be involved long enough so then I can go on catching the “feels” and be comfortable with the fact I don’t look a proper keeno also being happy knowing that I no doubtedly have now caught feelings for a class A tit (during this time I’d of seen a gazillion red flags but have carried on because I’m on a suicide mission in the minefield of dicks). While leaving the ‘nice boy’ behind.
I’m not saying normal/nice people don’t exist on these sites because they definitely do, I have conversed with a few, even gone out with a couple but the chances/ratios of you meeting them, liking their personality and them being your ‘happily ever after’ I reckon is around 2%. So the success rate isn’t favourable.
Is dating in 2017 conventional anymore? I mean I can’t even pop into the local where I met the last two, one because they are now shut down, two because the other pubs I’m likely to pull a 18 year old which is 10 years too young, three because meeting lads in pubs has hardly worked out swimmingly so far for me.
In the meantime of course I will be a sucker for punishment while continuing to have my eggs in a few baskets, all the while being plagued with the harrowing thought that “the one” for me is currently shagging someone else 😩🤣
I publish this on numerous platforms and would love to hear any dating horror stories, I’m open to advice but more than likely won’t listen – my mum tends to be the one persons who’s advice I always take on board, but even when it comes to “boys” I strongly ignore.
Lots of Love and Laughs x